I always try to be positive anddd smile too blessed to be stressed~
okay it was a random post by me...n i was like saje2 to put the gambar above. actually i was laying on my bed doing some random stuff, but suddenly the past things has come into my mind at the moment n feel like the urge to write in the aftermath of it. i remembered how i had to hold my tears at dat time.
yea actually, it was when all of us are having a farewell meeting. everyone was required to speak out n give some speech for the last time. n yea.. each n every1 of us hv expressed wut did we felt abt during the time of *blablablabla... the pathetic one is dat he n me doesnt even try to approach each other nor apologize for the wrongdoings, not even mention each other's name.. isnt it ironic how we made each other? n despite after the speech session, we still not trying to hv a direct eye contact on each other. we're accidently shut everything out. like nothing goes wrong at time, like we never know each other.when others are busy shaking hands n having a farewell hugging, we're just like trying so hard to dodge from collision or yea actually, bumped. n especially me, i dun want to~ i dun want to see his face directly n not even talk to him. am holding my tears so hard at time, n wut i felt is just so much pain, nothing can describe it until then when i back off to my room, my tears running out so fast, am crying my heart out n nobody knows. it was horribly sad.i hunched over begging for myself to stop crying but its not worth it. i've locked myself in the room so no one can see me cry, am terribly sick of it..cry n cry T_T andd cry. it hurts me even more..
at dat time, wut i wanted to do is just get away from there straight away but yet i had to wait until the next day. i can feel like falling down, but i keep myself strong until today. so.. guys out there who didnt know me well, i hate it when they judge me like all they want. they just know my name, not my story, they just heard wut i've done, but they dont know wut i've been thru ! they cant simply judge me unless they hv n experienced wut i feel n cried as much tears as me. i'd never shared abt diz to anyone. its just me n Allah who know how it feels. it kills me inside when everything is turned out so evil.
diz story wasnt abt the whole story, its just some of it. or maybe.. quarter of the real matter.
its too much.. i guess.. i dun want to reveal the whole things as it was too much to say to tell to speak out to express to expose, to.. yaa~ everything. am leting it implied in the core of my BIG heart. yeaa.. doesnt matter. am used to these things~ hahah~ *NTN. hurm....
OMG. panjangnya aq taip,. seems like i cant afford to abbreviate the things. huhu. luckily i have a blog to yea.. drop the stories of mine. its like my diary, no? whatever it is. am tired, i had to stop it right now.
bye2 astamixamisabelle blogspot. am abt to lay down my head on the pillow cuz am tired.