Its been 1 n half year since my late bf, herol died...yesterday, i've been visited his grave with aunt yati n i felt upset 4 standing next to 'him'..yea.. it brings back memories.. gud and bad~ as much as i hate him..but deep down inside i still misses him and love him..i know, n still can remember like it was just yesterday.. happened so fast..n till today, i hv a new dilemma with love..and i cant 4get him..he was my first, my first in everything..2 know what love is, to be the person i am today..he teaches me the cruel world, the hardship of life, the kind of human exist in this world~ He was the first to cheat on me,but i forgive him, because the person he cheated me on, now is one of the precious person in my life..najieha..gud and bad things happen, its sad dat he pass away at a young age, just after he wanted 2 change his life..2 be a better person..i miss him..sometimes i feel as if he is watching me,he’s watching najieha too..when we were out..i felt dat he was kinda happy that i and najieha got along well..maybe its just me...maybe its my feelings..im sorry dat i cant be there 4 u herol..i might not be strong 2 see u in a condition dat I myself cant imagine..sometimes i feel dat najieha was lucky she got 2 be with u until the end...n all i got is waiting 4 u, the day u promised 2 return..but u dint...u went away forever..leaving me by myself for a long time..until today i misses u..the last time i saw u was at the carnival..i dint even talked 2 u, my mood destroyed our last meet..herol..i miss u so much..sueha doakan herol berada dlm kalangan org2 yg beriman...may god bless u :') al-fatihah~
as you all can see...the reason i love haky a lot is because he reminds me of herol, my late bf...yes..i love haky as much as i love herol..the two person i cant get myself to let go off..his attitude,the way they act,both of them do love kids n 'baby' :) it almost the same to me..even his smile, hair style, dress...talk, walk, eyes...hmmm....love really does hurts when u truly love someone..
I realized something...love doesn’t exist...yah,~ it doesn’t..but what is this feeling i feel inside? y does it hurts everytime i see the person i assume i love happy with another girl? why do i feel hate towards him? is it because his not with me? is it because he cheated me? he’s not mine? If love does exist..then i would say i love him...yes..i love him..yes naswa..u love him...but i guess its not enough...he doesn’t see it..what can i do? can i take another beating to the ground? i'll do anything...but face the fact naswa...he never love u as u do...hmmmm..... :(