seems i'm getting out of control . feels like i'm running out of soul . i'm seeing lights . so i speaking right and breathing life . i predicted all my recent plights . i'm exhausted . trying to fall asleep . i'm lost inside my recent fight . it burdens on my shoulder, now . burning all my motors down . inspiration drying up . motivation slowing down . tired of all wardrobe changing . playing all these different spirits . living off these separate souls . point of life is getting hollow . can't wait for the exit hole . give me room to entry wound . let me in or let me go .

Aug 31, 2011

kuih dahlia !!


sukati aku jer weh !!
ni belum bakar lagi dlm oven and belum letak kismis !!
klo nak dtg ar raya kat ruma !

my laku-est kuih raya ever!

CORN FLAKES MIX TOGETHER WITH COCO POPS AND ALMONDS.. and of course ..butter,sugar n honey =))

-my new corn flakes recipe-

Aug 19, 2011

corn flakes madoO.oO.oO

haha~ k excited terlebih dahulu.

For diz Hari Raya I've baked honey cornflake crisps!

Ingredients: 1packet crunched cornflakes, 250g of softened butter, 1cup of caster sugar,10 tbs honey crushed almonds (optional) pieces of cherry (optional)

1. heat butter, sugar n honey into a pan until melted (or else the crisps will easily fall apart!)

2. Pour cornflakes into the mix n mix very well~ Sprinkle with almonds if eu wish (i dint~ hehe i hate mixed almonds!)

3. Place in cookie cups, sprinkle tiny bits of cherry (i didn't either haha) n bake in 170ยบ for 5-10 minutes to make them crunchy ( if eu want).or just leave until its dry~ (=

Enjoy! :D

as the result...

ya...i made diz..(tnpa pnskan d dlm oven)

i took quarter of it n try to heat into the oven~

Aug 15, 2011

nightmare )=

it was fucking long time since i'm not driving a car. yah~ it was like more than half year. my driving license was already expired n need to renew. no it's not bcuz i dont hv the courage to drive or what... i dint dare not~ cuz in the past i used to always drive n go to anywhere..  i had ever drive in a long journey just by myself all alone, in all nyte long as well~ n i've been able to withstand the traffic congestion especially in a big city like KL.. with a fucking crowded condition~ i've come along with all the mess on the road n etc~ plus, i've experienced 3x road accidents.. n gratefully i'm still able to drive.  okay then.. talk abt the times n chances, yes i do hv a lot of time as i'm having 4month holidays before i further my degree. i had spent 2 month for workin'... so rite enjoying my holidays for 2 month with hell no work.. n i absolutely had the chances to drive my father's car on every friday n also weekend since he wouldnt bring the car to go work on those days. so stated above, there's no reason aite..
okay but the point is, i had a very bad dream abt "me" driving in a worst condition, out of control, lost in the pathway, stuck in a heavy rain n i cant even see the path, lost n mess..sometimes, it was like a long way off n kelaut, n ended up with something morbid n terrible.. yet in my recent dream is dat my brake paddle doesnt work n i cant handle it cuz i was fucking anxious at time~ n myheart beating so fast n even when i had just woken up from sleep.. it still feels~ was so-called 'nightmare'.. hmm.. the nightmare keep repeating in several times~ n it has frighten me of course.

dayyem.. its just bcuz all those idiot stuffs.. i might be little scared, n feels like traumatic n also reduced my self-confidence a bit~ shittah! hurm )=  so i hv to motivate myself everyday.. -___-' i'm telling myself dat maybe diz kind of overthinkin' will ruin me, ruin the situation, n turn things around, make me worry, n just make things worse than they actually are~ so dont let it be. c'mon naswa, bring out ur inner spirit.. wallahh..  just dun tink abt it too much. dont forget to pray whenever eu feel insecurity. remain cool.. okay naswa ? ^__^ hurm.. k dun worry, in wutever tomorrow bring, Allah will always walk with us thru it.

inner strength

i hv no idea for making intro~ just.. recently i've been thinking bout myself.. i kept a lot of things to myself. but dun second guess me, too many ppl came n ruined my life. where is their heart? dint they feel sympathy on me? common quest among broken-hearted girl is like.. "what is my fault" n dats they feel dat phrase really means? whatever. well, some of buddies out there.. sorry to say dat they cant comprehend what is actually goin on. they dont even know abt the fact of real matter. just bcuz my eyes dont tear doesnt mean my heart doesnt cry, n juz bcuz i comes off strong, doesnt mean there's nothing wrong on me..  what saddens me is dat i cant even afford to speak out abt the things. its not bcuz i dun hv the guts, but its juz dat i still hv a sense to not aggravate him. 

the fact abt tears is 1% water n 99% feeling. do they got it? i dun mind if tear is wasted but guy.. please.. think abt feelings.they can break my bone cuz i hv 206 but dun keep tryin to break my heart repeatedly, 1 only hv 1. okay as they hv might already known, the past were too much. my heart been shattered, been stabbed, been broke, been mistreated, were torn apart n after all, i still alive. sorrow n misery in the past has bring out my inner they know dat the worst feeling is when sme1 makes eu feel special , then suddenly leaves eu hanging, n eu hv to act like nothing... act like eu dont even care at all.. huhuu.. to a person who may concerned.. i dun want ur hand, diz time i'll save myself.. n maybe i'll wake up for once. i'm no longer tormented. 

and the last thing on my mind abt this entry is like.. "why would eu wanna break a perfectly good heart"

Aug 10, 2011

so dont

you say that you love rain,
but you open your umbrella when it rains..
you say that you love the sun,
but you find a shadow spot when the sun shines..
you say that you love the wind,
but you close your windows when wind blows..
this is why i am afraid, you say that you love me too..

-William Shakespear-

Aug 8, 2011

my bad~

Aug 6, 2011

dayyem! it was amazing!~

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I am the can that holds dirty water
I am the canvas you paint with
I'll be the can that holds dirty water this time"

its a band dat sounds like every other band out there, only with a female vocalist! real fucking original!
okay, down here was the line up~

Steven Bradley – guitars, keyboards,
Krysta Cameron – vocals
John Ganey – guitars, keyboards,
Mike "Rickshaw" Martin – bass
Mike Montgomery – drums, backing vocals

Aug 3, 2011

happy birthday sayang

dancing slowly in an empty room.... can the lonely take the place of eu..?
i sing myself a quiet lullaby.. let eu go and let the lonely in..
to take my heart again...

hairul idzwan. if he still alive.. today was his birthday...
04 August 1988
and of course, i'm the one n the first who wishing him a 'happy birthday' right at 12a.m
my best wishes for ya, a person who doesnt exist anymore..
"may god bless eu" 
and i always here praying for eu days n nyte.
and.. i miss you.
badly.... =..( 
*write this in much tears.

i wish eu were here.. knowing dat i've learned to live half alive without eu once.
i wish i could dream about eu tonite. just to see eu alive even in just a dream~
n i do realized dat i'll be missin eu really really bad right after i woke up 
cuz knowing dat the happiness was gone~

if i hold eu just for today..
i'm not gonna wanna let go...
i'm not gonna wanna go home..
i'm not gonna wanna let eu slipped away..
imy T_T


no matter what eu'll never see me cry..

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Coz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never get the whole in love thing
If someone could say love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone
I'm spinnin' around
And deep inside
My tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip
What's happening?
I stray from love
This is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
coz its hurting me to let it go
maybe coz we spent so much time
and I know that it's no more
I should have never let u hold me baby
Maybe why I'm so sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to u on purpose
Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

How did I get here with you?
I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from love with you
I'm broken-hearted
I can't let you know
And I Won't Let It Show
You won't see me cry

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life

Aug 2, 2011

hello to my 'usang' blog

hello astamixamisabelle.blogspot !! aha.. its been a while since i left my bloggie all alone in a pretty mess room~ well, i miss blogging and expressing everything here, in my blog~  btw, i dun hv much time to write a blog these days.. due to my 'secret personal stuffs'~ plus, whenever i do hv time, i'd rather be snoozing myself off or do any other useful things~ for example, spendin time to manage the applications for my degree~ such as PTPTN stuffs, which was dayyem complicate me n until now, i still cant complete dat thang cuz i'm stuck in the middle n need to call ptptn hotline due to the confusion~ not only dat, i had to complete the forms, print it out, post it to the required address, then for the PT stuffs, there's more stuffs to do, like JPA application, ujrah, form to cont the loan n etc~ diz is obviously i hated so much.. its not my kind of things n seriously i feel like giving up but i cant, cuz if i do so, i cant get the loan for my study use n i'm going to upset my parents more~ uhh.. so i just keep up with the agony~ ahahahah!!! i'm laughing here cuz i feel like i'm speaking beyond the difficulities i'm facing rite now. look! over huhh.. i'm not cool~ imma pretty messed.. wutthefruit~ haih2 -,-' no, i just hate it when i dun want to do something but i have to~  *such troublesome~

okay, other than doing dat suckish stuffs~ i'd rather go online like facebooking, twittering, tumblring, n it was all an internet maniac~ aite.. diz is all due to boredom.. ahah~ okay2, there's no strong reason why i need to set aside blog whereas i hv time for the other internet stuffs.. plus, i hv a lot of stories to drop in my blog actually. but i might wants to keep it in all alone just by myself. yah~ there's a lot of things dat made me scratched badly, but it is okay cuz it was the things an expected.. i used to stick with diz words~ "hoping for the best, but expecting the worse" dats coOl aite... but still.. hm.. nvm~ okay2 for the matter of fact, i'm just terribly lazy n i'd prefer having a lot of "me" time for myself. So hurm.. actually i have few besties to talk to~ yea.. bout the joy n sorrow but.. it's okay. IT IS OKAY~ I already keep all the BITTER alone n let the SWEETNESS shown~ (: