seems i'm getting out of control . feels like i'm running out of soul . i'm seeing lights . so i speaking right and breathing life . i predicted all my recent plights . i'm exhausted . trying to fall asleep . i'm lost inside my recent fight . it burdens on my shoulder, now . burning all my motors down . inspiration drying up . motivation slowing down . tired of all wardrobe changing . playing all these different spirits . living off these separate souls . point of life is getting hollow . can't wait for the exit hole . give me room to entry wound . let me in or let me go .

Sep 9, 2011

remember when

I always try to be positive anddd smile too blessed to be stressed~

okay it was a random post by me...n i was like saje2 to put the gambar above. actually i was laying on my bed doing some random stuff, but suddenly the past things has come into my mind at the moment n feel like the urge to write in the aftermath of it. i remembered how i had to hold my tears at dat time.

yea actually, it was when all of us are having a farewell meeting. everyone was required to speak out n give some speech for the last time. n yea.. each n every1 of us hv expressed wut did we felt abt during the time of *blablablabla... the pathetic one is dat he n me doesnt even try to approach each other nor apologize for the wrongdoings, not even mention each other's name.. isnt it ironic how we made each other? n despite after the speech session, we still not trying to hv a direct eye contact on each other. we're accidently shut everything out. like nothing goes wrong at time, like we never know each other.when others are busy shaking hands n having a farewell hugging, we're just like trying so hard to dodge from collision or yea actually, bumped. n especially me, i dun want to~ i dun want to see his face directly n not even talk to him. am holding my tears so hard at time, n wut i felt is just so much pain, nothing can describe it until then when i back off to my room, my tears running out so fast, am crying my heart out n nobody knows. it was horribly sad.i hunched over begging for myself to stop crying but its not worth it. i've locked myself in the room so no one can see me cry, am terribly sick of it..cry n cry T_T andd cry. it hurts me even more..

at dat time, wut i wanted to do is just get away from there straight away but yet i had to wait until the next day. i can feel like falling down, but i keep myself strong until today. so.. guys out there who didnt know me well, i hate it when they judge me like all they want. they just know my name, not my story, they just heard wut i've done, but they dont know wut i've been thru ! they cant simply judge me unless they hv n experienced wut i feel n cried as much tears as me. i'd never shared abt diz to anyone. its just me n Allah who know how it feels. it kills me inside when everything is turned out so evil.

diz story wasnt abt the whole story, its just some of it. or maybe.. quarter of the real matter.
its too much.. i guess.. i dun want to reveal the whole things as it was too much to say to tell to speak out to express to expose, to.. yaa~ everything. am leting it implied in the core of my BIG heart. yeaa.. doesnt matter. am used to these things~ hahah~ *NTN. hurm....

OMG. panjangnya aq taip,. seems like i cant afford to abbreviate the things. huhu. luckily i have a blog to yea..  drop the stories of mine. its like my diary, no? whatever it is. am tired, i had to stop it right now.

bye2 astamixamisabelle blogspot. am abt to lay down my head on the pillow cuz am tired.

Sep 8, 2011


hairul idzwan. (late bf)
may Allah bless eu always.
my pray for eu days n nyte. 
ya.. i've visited ur grave last week.
tink i cant stop reminisce abt the past.
and it saddens me, its pathetic.
cuz nobody treat me like eu do.

*bubu, i miss YOU, i really do. T_T*

just wanna show something cute here

huhu... ya. again. just wanna show-off something cute today. btw, it was abt a birthday present for my lil sys named 'mija'.. i gave her diz 'lomo' camera (shown below).  lomo 35mm waterproof.  it is 1 of the vintage collection. yea..  diz one is still require a film roll to make it works. it is suit fer my lil sys which only 9years old, still in standart 3. btw, its not the newest thing actly, it has been granted to her on the past july.. yea 4th july~ andd she's pretty fond of it since she's awfully loves pink color !! huhu...

look ! she's having fun duin some camwhoring! huhu..

andd diz one is just a random pic of her on 1st raya.  she's wearing white as me as well. =)

Sep 7, 2011


yaa.. too much my 'about me' in my FACEBOOK profile.i've just edit my profile info~ nothing actually. its just too much to say but am afraid to see my words become loads haha.. am about to drop them here. just droppin by to my blog to drop this 'about me' hahah.. wut wut wut.. i always talk like silly gal.. ohmai stop writing stop ! huh okay then =,="

SMILE....while eu still hv a gud teeth !! huhu

Ya~ very much appreciate eu wasting abt 3 minutes of ur life reading this :) 

In case eu hadn't noticed, I'm Ari Dorika! dats not my real name actually, it was created base on Japanese characters.(based on my real name) :D 
but well, Im astamixa.haha.. okay sory for confusing eu guys~ walahh eu can call me wutever eu like, i’ll be pleasure but dont ever try to call me bitch, if so, it seems to be yours. My middle finger might salute eu up. Hmm.. yes imma mess sometimes but seems to be always n every day, am insane, sick, swag n all.. 
If eu hv a problem with dat, I dont really care. I got other problems to worry abt then ur opinions. am sorry, but dats the way to be. (:  
Be nice. If eu be nice to me, then i’ll be nice to eu back. Simple as dat. :)
Im from Borocay, philiphines... huhu no no naa am johorean, MALAYSIAN. Im 21~ btw, tens of age doesn’t seems to make me feel like i was older. Yeah , am still young n stupid. I fucked up a few times in life n I will again, but all dat proves is dat am still learning from my mistakes. 
am friendly. I might flirt with eu. I might even fall for eu, but only if eu truly are an amazing person.. or ya.. maybe eu hv smething dat makes ppl look up to eu.  which eu all are. :) i might adore eu. But dun 2nd guess me. Am not dat type of bitch who act like a faggot. No no no am not~  the things i do is just to enliven my days. 
Okay to ‘guys,boyys,manns’ out there .
Dont walk into my life n leave foot prints in my heart. I've already experienced dat too much times, repeatedly n dont want to again. Yah~ true love never respected. They don’t really know wut ‘love’ really is.
I dont care if eu’re a girl, boy, skinny, fat, rich, poor or anything. Just talk to me. (: I'll be ur friend. Am not a gud advisor but i can be ur gud listener like seriously ya i always do.
so fellas.. be cool,be random. am pretty irritating too, so beware of dat. =b i cant always control my mouth especially towards smething annoying. I might give sarcasm or profanity to some1 stupidity or a person who made me pissed-off outrageously. But ya,,. Just will shoutout in my twitter bcuz i dun want to offend them directly as it’ll create harm.(but yea.. siapa makan cili terasa pedasnya. Okay then, I also refuse to argue with someone who is not mature enough to admit when they are Wrong!! Its kinda .. erghhh~ 
am not dat kind of person who will treat person i dislike badly. I am mature enuf to tolerate my ‘dislike’ towards them. Ya being fake sometimes. but anyway, i hate it so much when the person who was fucked up with my mood..says "whats wrong? are u okay" (ase cam taktau nak tampa muke dye blah kiri or kanan) Ohh too much to say.too much of my LIKE n DISLIKE. Am better stop babbling. Ask me for more. Ewahh~ anddd!! Seriousshit! Am not dat kind of bajet2 cute or bajet2 hot. Err tidaks tidakss.

so..I guess dats pretty much all. 
Tanxs for reading I guess? 
idk but yah~ do talk to me :) 

i'm imperfect~
Imperfections are beautiful, they teach me how i should appreciate everyone for me is not perfect myself~

Sep 5, 2011

me and mia zara in memories :)